Answering the Universe’s Most Crucial Question

Feel free to print this and carry it on your wrist a la an NFL quarterback while you’re looking for homes, all in answer to the universe’s most pressing question, “Why is This Home Still on the Market?”

  1. People didn’t like the tile
  2. People didn’t like the carpet
  3. People didn’t like the linoleum
  4. People didn’t like the popcorn ceiling
  5. People didn’t like the paint
  6. People didn’t like the wallpaper
  7. People thought the house was too dark
  8. People thought the house was too light
  9. There aren’t any ceiling fans
  10. There are too many ceiling fans so the air conditioner must not work
  11. There’s no air conditioning unit
  12. There’s an air conditioner/heat pump but not gas heat
  13. There’s gas heat but not a gas stove
  14. There’s a gas stove but other people wanted electric
  15. There’s no refrigerator
  16. The refrigerator in the house dates to 1954
  17. The house isn’t being sold furnished
  18. The house is being sold furnished
  19. There’s no golf course view
  20. There’s a golf course view but, oddly enough, golf balls do land in the yard because not everyone hits the fairway
  21. There’s no view of the lake
  22. There’s a view of the lake but you also can see the street on the other side
  23. It’s too close to a major road
  24. It’s not close enough to the freeway
  25. The floor plan isn’t open enough
  26. The floor plan isn’t too open
  27. With a price that high, the seller must be stubborn
  28. With a price that low, there has to be something wrong even though no one else has made an offer and inspected the place to see
  29. The HOA fees are too high
  30. There’s an HOA at all
  31. There’s a street lamp out front
  32. There’s a fire hydrant out front
  33. There’s a dog living next door
  34. There’s a cat who lived in this house
  35. The carpet is berber
  36. The counter is formica
  37. The counter is granite
  38. The carpets are pink. Or purple. Or green
  39. There are no skylights
  40. There are skylights
  41. The house needs to be updated
  42. The house is updated but the sellers want more money because of it
  43. It’s not an end unit
  44. It’s not a detached house
  45. There are no citrus trees
  46. There are citrus trees and fruit on the ground everywhere
  47. It’s a short sale
  48. It’s a short sale
  49. No, really, it’s a short sale and other buyers know better
  50. It’s a bank owned home
  51. It’s not a bank owned home
  52. The house faces north
  53. The house faces south
  54. The house faces east
  55. The house faces west
  56. The garage isn’t attached
  57. There’s a 1-car garage
  58. There’s a 2-car garage
  59. There are no garage cabinets
  60. There are garage cabinets and you can’t fit two cars
  61. There’s no one on the streets
  62. The neighbors are too nosy
  63. There’s a security door
  64. There’s no security door
  65. There’s an alarm system
  66. There’s no alarm system
  67. The golf cart isn’t included
  68. The golf cart is included but it doesn’t have 17-inch rims and spinners
  69. There’s no formal dining room
  70. There’s a formal dining room and no one in Arizona uses them

Or, just maybe, it doesn’t really matter why the home’s still on the market … it only matters that it is on the market, it matches your criteria and you’re the one person who will be smart enough to stop analyzing and see the value that’s sitting in front of you.

Jonathan Dalton

Jonathan Dalton is a 40-plus-year resident of the Valley and has been helping folks buy and sell homes since 2004. He can be reached at 602-502-9693 or info at

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